कहने का कोई और तरीका

हम अपनी सारी बातें कह देना चाहते है. पर कितनी सारी ऐसी बातें होती हैं जिन्हे कहा ही नहीं जा सकता, जो या तो शब्दों से परे होती हैं या फिर उन्हे सीधे सीधे कहना कुछ ग़लत सा लगता है.

मुझे ऐसी बातें बहुत पसंद हैं जिन्हे कहा नहीं जा सकता, जब कोई कहानी पढ़ कर या फिल्म देख कर मुझे ऐसा लगता है की इसमे तो असल में वो बात कही जा रही है जो कही ही नहीं जा सकती तो मुझे मज़ा आ जाता है.

पर सवाल ये है कि जब बात ऐसी है कि उसे शब्दों में नहीं कहा जा सकता तो कहने की ज़रूरत क्या है. इतनी  मेहनत क्यों की जाती है उन बातों को कहने की. ऐसी क्या ज़रूरत है हमारी की हम बस सारी बातें कह देना चाहते हैं.

दरअसल जो बात  कही नहीं जा सकती  है वो ही दिमाग़ में सबसे ज़्यादा शोर मचा रही होती है- दिमाग़ में मच रहे उस शोर को अगर  पकड़ कर किसी चीज़ में बंद कर दिया जाए तो लगता है – वाह क्या शांति है! बंद करने के बहुत सारे तरीके मैने ढूँढ रखे हैं अपने लिए और कुछ और ढूँढ रही हूँ, लिखना शायद उनमे से एक है. कमाल की बात है की लिखने में भी शब्दों का ही प्रयोग हो रहा है और बात कह देने में भी शब्दों का ही प्रयोग है पर फिर भी लिखना ऐसा लगता है कि बात किसी से कही नहीं मैने सिवाय अपने- चाहे फिर उस लिखे हुए को हज़ार लोग पढ़ें. शायद इसलिए की मैं लिखने में अपने मन में हो रहे उस बात के शोर को पकड़ने की कोशिश मात्र कर रही होती हूँ जिसे कहा नहीं जा सकता. कभी लगता है की इस बात का जिसे कहा नहीं जा सकता अगर मैं किसी तरह एक चित्र बना दूँ तो शायद शोर और थोड़ा कम होगा.

हर किसी के पास इन बातों को जिन्हे कहा नहीं जा सकता कहने के ऐसे बहुत सारे तरीके होते हैं. वो सारे तरीके मुझे बहुत सुन्दर लगते है.

इन सारी बातों का मज़ा ही यही है कि कहा ना जाए बल्कि और तरीके ढूँढे जाएँ कहने/समझने के.

मैने शायद कोई बात नहीं कही इस पूरे पोस्ट में या शायद कही है जिसे कहा नहीं जा रहा था मुझसे…क्योंकि मुझे लग रहा है अभी – वाह क्या शांति है!

Gaps in the story

Have you ever tried writing a story – a suspense thriller to be more precise. I was shooting for a suspense thriller for past few days. As an actor most of the time the only thing you do on the set is WAIT.

So while I was waiting for my shots a peculiar thing started happening on the set. The discussions between the creative head, the director and the writer started becoming longer and longer as the story progressed. This was directly proportional to my wait time.

Since I had so much time my brain started ticking and I started to search for a reason about these discussions that were becoming longer with each passing scene. I realized that when you write a story there is only a certain level of detail that you add to it but as the actors start to perform it  more nuances and detail is added automatically. Sometimes this additional detail add an aspect to the story that the writer had not thought of earlier.

God forbid if it’s a sharply written suspense thriller with all ends tied with logic!

The more minutely you will look at the story the more anomalies and paradoxes will crop up.

Waiting and wondering about these things suddenly I remembered something I read long time ago, it said

” The author of our universe created things merely by speaking, by saying ‘Let there be light’ The only thing mere speaking can create, we know, is a story, a play an epic poem, a fiction. Where we live is created by and in words: uni-verse.”
Fiction by Robert Nozick

I started wondering that it is a wonderful way to know whether or not God exists. Also whether whatever will happen is pre-decided or not. I mean has HE already written the book and we are just supposed to act out the story that he wrote for us. If that is the case then we are supposed to find a lot of anomalies in the story (in our lives) as no matter how detailed he would have written there will be nuances he would have left out as an author, which will only come to light once we start acting out the story written for us.

What we need to figure out now is the nature of these anomalies in life, what kind of details would a Supreme Being forget to fill? Can I fill in those details myself as an actor of the story, if I do add some nuances myself will it backfire and would make the Creator to revise the already pre-written story.

On the other hand if God does not exist then there should be no anomalies no paradoxes anywhere. Then we are just an organic machine like thing able to think about our own self and grow and propagate. Nobody wrote a story for us.

Oh! God I want to find the nature of these anomalies and paradoxes in my story.

I feel like an atheist most of the times, my belief lies in stories.

In your Head

I want to get into your head.

I will want to know what would you think when you will read this post. So, after I finish writing the post I will read it again just to figure out what you felt while reading it.

I am so crazy about getting into people’s heads that I might end up reading this post a 1000 times, each time pretending to be a different person that I know who would read this.

I have been searching for ways to get into people’s heads for a long time now.

When I read a book – the thing that interests me more than the story is what went inside the writer’s head while he/she was writing it. I found Anna Karenina so boring as a story but somehow the book was telling me what Tolstoy was thinking while writing it and so I could easily read nearly 900 pages.

The moment someone interests me the first thing I want to do is get into that person’s head. I want to know how he/she thinks and since I have no device to get into anyone’s head, I try my tricks. I start playing a game – a game of action-reaction.

I say things just to see the person’s reaction while in normal conditions normal me would have kept quite, I remain silent to see the reaction in situations when normal me would have spoken. Yet,the most beautiful device of the game is ‘shock’. Have I ever shocked you with my behavior, my work, my outrageousness – If I did, trust me I was looking for a way into your head. When you are shocked the wall of pretense breaks  to reveal the real you. I get a glimpse of you. I agree that shock is a cheap device in any artwork  and after once or twice the person will build a wall against the ‘shock’ and the artist in search for ways to get into people’s head will keep on devising ways to shock them. Her self-expression might get lost as all the energy will go into building the shock element in her work. It’s a bad trap to fall in.

Yet the device of ‘shock’ keeps enticing me. It seeps into my designs, in my stories even in my life.

Are there other ways then, to get to know you better, to get into your head.

See how interested I am in you, I really want to see the world with a different point of view with numerous points of views actually.

The only other way to get into your head is by your expression, I would like to hear you speak. I would love to see your paintings to  see what goes in your head what colors you see the world in and of course  I would love to read whatever you write as that gives me a pathway to your brain and if you ever make a film that would be just awesome.

So let’s make a deal I give you a pathway in my brain by writing, talking, painting (oh! I am bad at it please make do with the computer art I make), making films etc. and you open the pathways to your brain by your ways of expressions. Trust me I have played the game and it is super fun. So, let’s try it!

Oh! now I need to reread the post to know how it felt in your head…The games we play with ourselves…:)